Monday, December 29, 2008

Christmas, family, weight...

I hope that everyone had a very nice holiday.

My husband and I drove down to Georgia to spend Christmas with my dad. This is the first Christmas since my mom died. We had all talked about it and decided we weren't really going to do anything. We'd just spend time together and have a nice dinner. No tree, no gifts, no decorations. Not this year. There really wasn't one specific reason for this - I'm not working, my mom not being just seemed like the plan for this year. When we got to my dad's house he decorated the inside. It was really nice of him, but it upset me because he hung all of the stockings. My mom made new stockings for all of us every year. It was hard to see (in a good way). I cried a little. I saw that he stuffed each stocking with some stuff too. He said it wouldn't be right not to celebrate. I felt bad because I stuck to the original plan. was a very emotional day but a good one too.

My dad lives in a really small town out in the middle of nowhere. There are lots of places to walk so that is what I did every morning. I walked around 2.5 miles everyday. I felt great doing it too. Normally when we're there we sort of veg out. He lives on a lake and it's just like a nice little vacation. My dad walked with me a couple of mornings and it was nice to talk to him. I think that he was very surprised I could walk the distance (and at a good pace too). He quit walking after a mile - I would continue each morning.

After getting home from my walk Saturday my dad said he was really proud of me. He said that he would like to see me lose some weight. No shit sherlock. My dad and I have a really weird relationship regarding my weight. He doesn't understand what it is like to be heavy or struggle with weight. He thinks that you just eat less and exercise more and it all falls off. I've tried to talk to him and explain that a lot of my issues aren't only with the food and exercise. They are also emotional issues. He doesn't get it though. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I don't know where it stems from and I'm trying to figure it out. So...back to my dad and his comment. I told him that I knew he'd like for me to lose the weight, I'd also like to lose it too. It's not like I love waking up every morning in this body. I explained that I didn't like to talk to him about it because of his lack of compassion/understanding and I think maybe he got it? I think since my mom died he's really trying to be a different person.

As my husband and I were leaving for home my dad said he was really proud and I should keep the walking up. I said thanks. I told him that when he calls he can't ask me if I've walked or how much I've walked because that will just annoy me. He agreed. :-)

We had a nice holiday all things considered.

I ate far too much and I'm hoping that I can break even for the month???? We shall see Wednesday.


Stages of Change said...

GREAT post. I've found that parents and loved ones who have no expierence with weight are often clueless and clumsy when it comes to talking about it.

I really like you setting that boundary with your dad about not asking you about walks, etc. I had to set a similiar boundary with my brother and father because I was having a hard time dealing with them.

I've noticed that people instictivly often want their parents or family, loved ones, etc, to be their main support or resources for dealing with weight struggles, and so its refreshing that you recognize that that is maybe not your fathers role in your life, and that he will likely never truly understand you struggles.

Which is all the more reason that I'm finding the blogging community so nice. These are the people I want in my corner.

Anyway, great post and congrats on the nice walks!

Losing Waist! said...

Yes! I completely understand! My dad doesn't understand either- he is a runner and has been at his fattest when he gained ten pounds in his early 50's... grrrr... for years he told me all I needed to do was-
PUSH BACKS (as in, push back from the dinner table before you eat too much). That was his solution. Still is to this day.

We just cannot talk about it (he is a jerk anyway)!

Great walking. There is something so much more fulfilling about getting exercise/ activity done when you are outside. I think it is soothing to breath fresh air. AMAZING!

Chews to Lose said...

Stages of Change - thanks. Looks like we both had a family "we're worried about you" kind of Christmas. I also love my new blogger friends - I wish I had done it earlier. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Losing Waist...Does your dad know my dad? I got the push aways (same concept). And you're right walking outside is refreshing. It's more of a challenge than my treadmill. We live in an area that I can't get out and walk everyday so it was a nice change of pace.

carla said...

go YOU for the boundary setting.

its so difficult in general and *beyond* a challenge with parents.

there is just so much history and emotion there.


Kiki said...

{{{HUGS}}} I know it's hard to do the "First" anything after the death of a loved one. It was great that you were able to spend it together!

You're a very strong woman to be able to set the boundaries with your dad AND to go out walking every morning. Thanks for the inspiration!

Nat said...

Ooooh family issues.That is a deep well! You handled it great. Those family dynamics add a whole another weight loss hurdle. My sister and I grew up in the same house, same parents, but we have very different memories of how weight issues and food were handled. I was amazed when she told me some of the stuff she rememebered. I was thin and she struggled with weight so I tunned most of that out. Or maybe it just wasnt directed at me. I've learned to be sensitive to her painful memories.
Now I've got my own weight issues too!

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Tennessee, United States
I'm just ready for a change. I'm hoping that this will be a place to meet people who are struggling as I am and we can help each other out.